I see this, I’m walking away, either I’ll never be able to taste food this good again (unlikely) or somehow they’ll end up pouring melted chocolate on my fingers and expecting me to lick it up.
knightofunderpants
If you have to use AI to describe your restaurant, then Im not too hopeful about your food
BCF13
That just sounds insufferable
theghostsofvegas
This is just too douchy to NOT be a $1000 a plate place.
Quotas-End
Circlejerk award goes to this restaurant
CaddyShsckles
lol I wouldn’t go even if I was invited.
cincystudent
This has gotta be one of the most pretentious things I’ve ever read
Wildeyewilly
6 months from now:
For Lease: Turn key restaurant. All appliances like new, chairs barely worn, bar fully stocked.
VendettaPenguin
GnashLee
Cough … wankers.
JoozleJazz
Pretentious asshats. Ain’t no time to stroke anybody else’s ego.
BumblebeeDirect
sorting_potatoes
They are really insisting upon themselves
GlassPudding
“we don’t think of them as ‘prices’ here”
Graybeard_Shaving
I’ve seen a lot of shit in my time but oh boy, this one is special. Jesus, Mary, Joseph…
maffemaagen
Pretentiousness, thy name is… whatever this restaurant is called.
AFarCry
You know… You think you’ve seen the peak of pretentiousness… And then something like this comes along.
Enjoy owning a failing business.
adamacus
This is actually a Dairy Queen
blacfd
I haven’t been invited yet. Guess I’ll go somewhere else
MckyMrry
Chef GPT
Just_call_me_Neon
GypsySnowflake
You will be invited in? So they don’t even take reservations? Do you just have to know someone?
UrsaMajor7th
*”Whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little adolescent fantasy world that you guys have built around yourselves, you start screaming like a bunch of poncy hairdressers”*
-Ian Faith
ActualChip1
I don’t know how to appreciate this
Barrett4184
I’ll take air fried dino nuggets instead.
TsarKeith12
Jesus christ i’d rather just go to fuckin outback or something
throwaway983143
Performative bs restaurants are insufferable. Serve good food and you won’t need whatever the hell this is.
ActionMan48
Pretentious AF. 🚮
-_TheRealDL_-
Given this introduction… if one of the courses isn’t human flesh, I’ll be greatly disappointed.
Alternative_Algae_31
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you” is an… interesting business model.
touch-of-grain
“Cool story bro. Hey, how much below average are you paying your staff?”
mcgargargar
So no walkins, no reservations, you just stand outside and hope they come out and get you
GrandmaForPresident
DavieStBaconStan
Reads like something a pretentious Ameglian cow would proclaim at a restaurant at the end of the universe.
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox’s table, a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
“Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in the parts of my body?”
It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters in to a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.
Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.
DocPondo
Do you enjoy being overserved by pompous waiters who educate you on everything from the charcoal the chef uses all the way to the owners philosophy on rooftop gardens? Well you’re in luck, my friend.
thesirensoftitans
Is a man-bun required or just recommended?
PandyWooHoo
They really have disappeared up their own ass.
AbdulAhBlongatta
MutantSheep101
It’s just a disguise, when you get inside. It’s all unshaven guys in dingy wife beaters serving grilled cheese sandwiches with a side of lays potato chips.
fingers
Sir, this is a Wendys.
Charbucks99202
I’m getting these vibes from that…anyone else?
jeffnorris
Is this the place where it takes 12 people to serve one course
I_SHALL_CONSUME
Don’t be so sure this is written by a chatbot — I could totally write this.
Not that I *would*, of course, because it’s pretentious wankery — this belongs in a university poetry journal, not a restaurant front. But I guess if someone paid me enough to do it, I *could*.
The thing I personally hate most about the proliferation of chatbots is that they make good old-fashioned autists look bad.
-Fedaykin-
Inside the Kitchen, the air is full of expletives, the light is from a single LED bulb with a dying moth still clinging to it in its last moments of life. And what the Chef has chosen for you, was found in the back of the walk in with a use by date on it written in a dead language from the bronze age. The Chef has just finished his second line of coke, the sous chef is on his 4th divorce and has brought a gun to work. The dishies are selling the Managers car on Facebook marketplace after they stole his keys at start of shift.
You walk away from the restaurant, shaking your head in bewilderment. After a few minutes of trying to process the odd statement, you simply decide to move on with your life. No place *that* pretentious is worth it.
You go on, yet over time you feel like something just isn’t right. It seems like no matter where you are, the air is just a little too loud. You find yourself at a Denny’s, somewhere you usually love to eat, but tonight the light just feels a little too rough. Your food arrives, but you don’t even touch it, knowing that the food means nothing as it was merely *served* to you. You’re asked to leave, after demanding that the server take back their menu and bring you a proper story, damn it.
You walk home, and though you don’t have the words, you know that nothing will ever satisfy you anymore. You close the door behind you slowly, your spirit crushed by this slow dawning realization.
And then, you recieve a call. You wordlessly bring the phone to your ear. You don’t even bother to check the caller ID. You already know.
49 Comments
Dang. This is giving major The Menu vibes.
fuck you very much
I see this, I’m walking away, either I’ll never be able to taste food this good again (unlikely) or somehow they’ll end up pouring melted chocolate on my fingers and expecting me to lick it up.
If you have to use AI to describe your restaurant, then Im not too hopeful about your food
That just sounds insufferable
This is just too douchy to NOT be a $1000 a plate place.
Circlejerk award goes to this restaurant
lol
I wouldn’t go even if I was invited.
This has gotta be one of the most pretentious things I’ve ever read
6 months from now:
For Lease: Turn key restaurant. All appliances like new, chairs barely worn, bar fully stocked.
Cough … wankers.
Pretentious asshats. Ain’t no time to stroke anybody else’s ego.
They are really insisting upon themselves
“we don’t think of them as ‘prices’ here”
I’ve seen a lot of shit in my time but oh boy, this one is special. Jesus, Mary, Joseph…
Pretentiousness, thy name is… whatever this restaurant is called.
You know… You think you’ve seen the peak of pretentiousness… And then something like this comes along.
Enjoy owning a failing business.
This is actually a Dairy Queen
I haven’t been invited yet. Guess I’ll go somewhere else
Chef GPT
You will be invited in? So they don’t even take reservations? Do you just have to know someone?
*”Whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little adolescent fantasy world that you guys have built around yourselves, you start screaming like a bunch of poncy hairdressers”*
-Ian Faith
I don’t know how to appreciate this
I’ll take air fried dino nuggets instead.
Jesus christ i’d rather just go to fuckin outback or something
Performative bs restaurants are insufferable. Serve good food and you won’t need whatever the hell this is.
Pretentious AF. 🚮
Given this introduction… if one of the courses isn’t human flesh, I’ll be greatly disappointed.
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you” is an… interesting business model.
“Cool story bro. Hey, how much below average are you paying your staff?”
So no walkins, no reservations, you just stand outside and hope they come out and get you
Reads like something a pretentious Ameglian cow would proclaim at a restaurant at the end of the universe.
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox’s table, a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
“Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in the parts of my body?”
It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters in to a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.
Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Do you enjoy being overserved by pompous waiters who educate you on everything from the charcoal the chef uses all the way to the owners philosophy on rooftop gardens? Well you’re in luck, my friend.
Is a man-bun required or just recommended?
They really have disappeared up their own ass.
It’s just a disguise, when you get inside. It’s all unshaven guys in dingy wife beaters serving grilled cheese sandwiches with a side of lays potato chips.
Sir, this is a Wendys.
I’m getting these vibes from that…anyone else?
Is this the place where it takes 12 people to serve one course
Don’t be so sure this is written by a chatbot — I could totally write this.
Not that I *would*, of course, because it’s pretentious wankery — this belongs in a university poetry journal, not a restaurant front. But I guess if someone paid me enough to do it, I *could*.
The thing I personally hate most about the proliferation of chatbots is that they make good old-fashioned autists look bad.
Inside the Kitchen, the air is full of expletives, the light is from a single LED bulb with a dying moth still clinging to it in its last moments of life. And what the Chef has chosen for you, was found in the back of the walk in with a use by date on it written in a dead language from the bronze age. The Chef has just finished his second line of coke, the sous chef is on his 4th divorce and has brought a gun to work. The dishies are selling the Managers car on Facebook marketplace after they stole his keys at start of shift.
All is as it should be. Now give me your money.
https://preview.redd.it/bwqiv8v0vxxf1.jpeg?width=427&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f15eb2d6d3e65197eac589db1d11f1ce789813d
You walk away from the restaurant, shaking your head in bewilderment. After a few minutes of trying to process the odd statement, you simply decide to move on with your life. No place *that* pretentious is worth it.
You go on, yet over time you feel like something just isn’t right. It seems like no matter where you are, the air is just a little too loud. You find yourself at a Denny’s, somewhere you usually love to eat, but tonight the light just feels a little too rough. Your food arrives, but you don’t even touch it, knowing that the food means nothing as it was merely *served* to you. You’re asked to leave, after demanding that the server take back their menu and bring you a proper story, damn it.
You walk home, and though you don’t have the words, you know that nothing will ever satisfy you anymore. You close the door behind you slowly, your spirit crushed by this slow dawning realization.
And then, you recieve a call. You wordlessly bring the phone to your ear. You don’t even bother to check the caller ID. You already know.
“It’s time. Your table is waiting for you.”
For sale. Restaurant equipment. Never used.